I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
