i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
