just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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