All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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