My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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