No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
