I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
