I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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