you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
