All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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