All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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