I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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