I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
even my farts smell like vagina
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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