theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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