I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
