thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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