C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
