I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think im going to throw up on grandma
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
