Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
