Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
