I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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