He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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