Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
