So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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