1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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