I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
