Its about making memories worth repressing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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