Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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