It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
