thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
