I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
