You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
