people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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