i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
