omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
