We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need to align my fucking chakras
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
