Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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