I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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