the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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