I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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