she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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