did you get engaged???
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
