I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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