She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Did we literally take a cab across the street
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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