Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize