Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
