k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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