Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
