ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
