I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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