I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Buhtt sex?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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