Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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