I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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