i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize