I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
