What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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