Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
