last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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