I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
