you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize