smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
