I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
