I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
