I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Who died my cat blue again?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
