You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
