My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
