Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
