just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
