this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize