Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
