last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
