A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize