Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
