ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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