hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
