I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize