nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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