NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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