Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
