weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
