spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
