just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
