He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
