You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize