arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BRING THE BAGELS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
