Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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